Sleeping Through the Night

The dreaded "sleeping through the night" topic!  The issue that has some parents begging their kids for mercy because they've turned into zombies who are losing their minds!  Well, I'm here to tell you that "this too shall pass" and it WILL get better!  Easy for me to say, right?  I know, I know, but I really mean it, I swear! 

Before we get things started, I just want to let you know that you can't teach or force a baby to sleep - all you can do is create an environment that will help aide your child in learning how to gain the tools in order to do it on their own.  Also, please forget about all of those myths like giving your child rice cereal in a bottle.  Not only does it not work (does stuffing yourself make you sleep?), but it's not nutritionally sound and can be a potential choking hazard.  For now, I'll start with the basics in order to allow you to get a general idea of what is needed for you to get your treasured beauty sleep again. 

Ok, now onto the good stuff.  In order for your child to develop good sleeping habits, it all starts the moment the day begins.  I've seen a lot of parents wonder why their child doesn't nap or sleep through the night, yet proceed to tell me how unpredictable their child's day is, how overstimulated the child is on a daily basis (i.e. busy schedule) and that they don't have any schedule set in place;  that's the first clue.  So first things first, create a realistic and predictable schedule.  Babies thrive on routine and that's also a way for them to build trust (crucial in child development).  How do you create a routine?  Become an observer and take note of when your child naturally wants to eat, play and sleep and do your best to work around that.  In addition, you'll need to minimize the outings you take until a routine has been set.  In this crazy world that can be a hard commitment to make so modify it (please don't modify unless absolutely necessary prior to the routine/schedule is established); go out when your child has napped and limit the amount of time you're gone.  Once a routine is set, they become more relaxed because they know what to expect and that creates a safe environment for them.  They will also use certain cues to know what's coming next and will gladly be a willing participant in the routine you have created together.  For example, my daughter knows that when I shut the blinds and put on her white noise machine that nap time is coming - she'll even sign the word for "sleep".  I also make sure to tell her verbally that it's time for a nap and that I love her.  Speaking of naps, it's important to know that taking good naps throughout the day is vital for a child to be able to not only sleep through the night, but get a GOOD sleep. In addition, the pace of the day is important.  If you rush through all of those important moments like feeding, diapering, bathing and changing, your child will feel uneasy.  The more present you are in these moments the more trust you will create.  From the day my daughter was born my husband and I made sure to prepare her for everything by becoming "narrators".  For example, I might say "Mommy is going to put you on the changing table now.  Ready?  Ok, it's time to change your diaper now.  Should we take off your pajamas first?  Yes?  Ok, can you help mommy take out your leg?  Thank you.  How about the other leg?  Thank you.", and so on and so on.  We make sure that she plays a role in everything that we do so she doesn't feel "assaulted".  If you think about it, how insecure and uneasy would you feel if you were in a position where you couldn't do anything for yourself and the person caring for you rushed through everything without warning you and making you feel as if you had no control over what was being done to your body? 

The next step is to recognize when your child is tired.  A very young infant usually can't go more than one to two hours of awake time before needing a nap again.  A general rule of thumb is eat, play, sleep and repeat.  As they get older their awake time lengthens, and if you pay attention they'll give you clues on when they're ready for that.  If you pass the point of tired and enter the "overtired zone" then you're both in trouble and no one will be getting sleep.  A clear sign would be rubbing their eyes, red rimmed eyes, yawning, closing their eyes, or becoming cranky. 

Next would be making sure to put your baby to bed drowsy or awake for two reasons - they need to be able to fall asleep without your help (remember, they've been doing it since they were in the womb so they are capable), and also because if they wake up in a different place than where they fell asleep they will become scared or disoriented.  Again, it's always important to build trust with babies because that's the only way they will build a healthy attachment to you.  I would suggest, at least until a healthy sleeping pattern has been established, that you put your child to bed in their crib for every single nap and at night.  Again, this is to establish predictability and routine, as well as making a place for your child of their own.  I strongly recommend that your child not be put in their crib or bed as a punishment because that will create a negative feeling attached with the very place you want your child to sleep in comfortably through the night.  My daughter is never put in her crib for any reason other than sleep.  I remember one time I put her in there out of necessity to vacuum and she couldn't stop giggling because she knew it wasn't time to sleep and she thought it was hilarious that she could just "play" in her crib.  I thought that was very telling, and of course, very cute. 

A key to sleeping through the night is to set a bedtime routine.  No matter what you decide your routine to be, stick to it and make it calm, pleasant, and relaxing.  You can't expect to have a crazy dance party and have your child go to sleep without winding down first.  Remember, your babies pick up on your energy so if you're uptight or rushed your baby will follow your lead and bedtime will become a nightmare.  If you move slowly and with purpose your baby will follow your lead in a positive way and you'll be one step closer to a restful night for everyone.  A great example of a bedtime routine would begin with a warm bath and allow your child (if older) to play as they wish.  My daughter loves going to town with a simple wash cloth and that's enough for her.  Sometimes she likes standard bath toys but it's usually that washcloth, haha.  Since using soap daily can be drying to the skin you can just use water only except on the days it's needed - just make sure to still clean their little hands, feet, and private area.  After the bath, a good idea would be to give your baby a massage with a gentle lotion (I suggest diapering first, haha).  Next pajamas, a short and calm bedtime story followed by a bottle/sippy cup with breast milk/formula or nurse your baby until they have had a full feed.  Once your baby is finished drinking you can have one last good cuddle and then it's time to put your baby in bed, say your good night and let them know you'll see them in the morning. It's important to point out that your child should be in bed no later than 8pm (unless your child is a newborn) because if they go to bed too late they will be overtired and not sleep well which leads to them waking up early the next morning (or worse, waking up in the middle of the night repeatedly). 

Ok, now I know what you're thinking, what about "the method"??  How do I get my child to stay in their crib and stay asleep through the night?  Trust me, if you truly create a calm, predictable routine for your child everything else will fall into place.  There is some sort of "method" you can use if you still run into some difficulty or resistance which I will discuss in a follow-up blog.  I felt that it was important to first attack the "disease" and not the "symptom" because once your foundation is set everything else is a cake walk.  Below I've included the actual schedule my daughter is currently on and it's one I've based on her needs by observation - it works very well for us and I couldn't imagine life any other way.  She's happy and so are we!  Best of luck to all of you and your families!  Please feel free to comment/ask questions below.

Here is what an average day looks like for my ten month old:

7:45 - She wakes up, gets a diaper change and drinks a sippy cup of pumped breast milk (5 oz)

8:00 - Plays independently in play yard while I pump in the room next door (monitor is on so I can see/hear what's going on in case of an emergency)

8:30 - Bring her downstairs to play with me in a gated off and safe area for her in the living room.

9:00 - We both eat breakfast

9:30 - We go for a walk with the dog around the neighborhood

9:55 - Return home and another diaper change

10:00 -Nap

11:30-Noon (some days vary on how long her nap is) - She wakes up and has another sippy cup of pumped breast milk (5 oz)

12:30 -  Plays independently in play yard while I pump in the room next door (monitor is on in case of an emergency)

1:00 - We both eat lunch

1:30 - We play together and I read her books, sing songs with her, and dance.  I also give her time to play independently and sometimes we go for another walk

2:30 - Sippy cup of pumped breast milk (5 oz)

3:45 - Diaper change

4:00 - Nap (I usually pump sometime during this nap)

5:30-5:45 - Wake up from nap and has a sippy cup of pumped breast milk (5 oz)

6:00 - Plays independently while I prepare dinner (if I'm cooking a full meal that takes more time I will do most of the work during her afternoon nap)

6:30 - We eat dinner as a family

7:00 - Family time - we play, sing, dance and have fun!

7:30 - Bedtime routine (bath, massage, book)

7:45- Sippy cup with pumped breast milk (6 oz) and Bedtime!

Please note that I'm not a doctor - this is my opinion  based on experience I have as a preschool teacher, mom, and nanny.  I've been heavily influenced by the amazing classes I took in college which exposed me to the philosophies and principles of R.I.E. that provide the foundation for my parenting style.  If you're wondering, R.I.E. stands for Resources for Infant Educarers.  If you'd like to find out more, please visit their website www.rie.org